Why

Why do you lead us astray, LORD,

   from your ways?

Why do you harden our heart

   so we don’t fear you?

Return for the sake of your servants

   the tribes that are your heritage! 

Isaiah 63:17

 Paul adds:

For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.

A proverb:

A man's steps are from Yahweh; how then can man understand his way? 20:24

From Jeremiah:

I know, O LORD, that the way of man is not in himself, that it is not in man who walks to direct his steps. Jeremiah 10:23

Could things be any other way than they are? Are we really in charge of our own actions, or is He sovereign over all?  If all our days (or at least David's-Psalms 139) were written down before one came to pass, what does that make us?

This can be a contentious subject, I know, but it is something I have always wondered about. It is as if we are becoming aware that there is nothing good in us, that is in the flesh, but in a strange way, that is part of the plan, and not (for lack of a better term) our fault.

For the creation was subjected to vanity, not of its own will, but by reason of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the liberty of the glory of the children of God. Romans 8:20-21

While listening recently to a testimony about how God saved someone from making a bad choice, I wonder, where was He in my bad choices? (that's what the flesh will wonder)...Doesn't He care about me? (of course I know He does, but we are only human after all). If it is so easy to stop us from sinning against Him, why doesn't He do it for everyone?


And what of the tragedies that are avoided and God gets the praise, but so many others get the tragedy instead of the miracle? Do we give God praise for the tragedy? What about our sins?

In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. 1Thes 5:18

It's hard to explain, and bitter, yet wonderful.  We work out our own salvation with fear and trembling, yet it really IS all of Him. 

I devoted myself to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under heaven. What a heavy burden God has laid on men!  Ecc 1:13

Out of the mouth of the most High proceedeth not evil and good?

Jehovah Jireh 4

Sometimes you get an I'm here loud and clear.


This past week has been rough. I've been pretty sick and the whole schedule had gone out the window. The Mr. got some groceries last weekend, he really is pretty good at this, he's holding out on me:) but we were short of some things, so I had to take all of us to Kroger yesterday to get enough milk and fruit and such to get through till my next big trip.


My oldest son really wanted some green peppers. They were $1.59 EACH so I said nay and got some celery instead.



Last evening, I was at one of our neighbors picking up some things and she asked if we liked peppers. She had too many and was afraid they would go bad before they got to eating them. She had also gotten the kids some goodies, but that's another whole story. So here they are.

If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? Matthew 7:11

Thank you Father, for showing me that You are everywhere and in all our little wants and needs!

The Mundane

The Sublime

And all points between.


God answers prayers, always.


Not in the way we expect most of the time from what I am experiencing, but how good He really is to us.

I am so thankful today, so grateful that Yahweh is MUCH MUCH BIGGER than we make Him out to be most of the time.


 It's really going to be alright.  And the peace lulls between the warfare are so sweet.

Warfare (the spiritual variety) or Where is that Sea of Forgetfulness?

Because I have a few things I'd like to throw in.





Yesterday was a bad day.  I did a lot of sulking and a lot of thinking and a lot of praying (O, I see You're trying to get my attention).   A lot of regrets, a lot of doubt and raw hurt. And some questions.





Before I was "saved" I always used to believe that there was a reason for everything that happened. That was kind of the way I got through the rough things. I never thought that free will was a particularity desirable thing and that someone or something somewhere was ultimately in charge or responsible for the way things unfolded.





THEN, I met Jesus and I really felt that that WAS the case. He was my friend, my savior, and the best thing that ever happened to me was Him finding me.  He bound up my wounds, told me He loved me, it was alright, it will all be alright. And then....





I got religion (read condemnation).





That 'first love' relationship was being hacked away at by rites and rituals and rules and a big ol' list of sins (The Catechism of the Catholic Church)* to be exact.  I couldn't just go right to my Friend anymore. I wasn't doing this whole thing right - I was told- and how presumptuous of me to believe that I really was okay with God.





That set me back years. It's still setting me back.






I'd like to try to develop some thoughts about this:   free will-responsibility-sovereignty-pride-shame-peace. But this is getting pretty long, so I'll try to make more sense later.

for he makes his sun to rise on the evil and on the good

A man's steps are from Yahweh; how then can man understand his way? Proverbs 20:24

And I have given my heart to seek and to search out by wisdom concerning all that hath been done under the heavens. It [is] a sad travail God hath given to the sons of man to be humbled by it. Ecc 1:13

By reason of the exceeding greatness of the revelations, that I should not be exalted excessively, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me, that I should not be exalted excessively. 2Cor 2:7




*I'm not trying to bash the Catholic Church, all religious Christianity can produce the same despair that Jesus came to save us from.

White

Isa 1:18     Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

I tried to find this verse and that to summarize the things I was thinking today.  It seemed to me that I was "prooftexting" , BUT

Being a missing the forest for the trees kind of scripture reader the last few years, I am seeing the big picture.


God is love, God is light, God forgives, God wounds and God heals, God is All.

Kettle Corn!

I've wanted to try this since Trisha posted it a few weeks ago. Yesterday my sweet tooth told me it was time.



I just glanced at the directions, thinking "I got this" and so here is batch number one:

There was smoke coming out of the pan before I finally gave up

By this time, the kids had smelled burnt sugar and wanted to know what I was making. After a quick trip back to the computer to check the directions again (I didn't preheat the oil..DUH). I'm not a popcorn newbie, I don't know what was wrong with me.  I tried again.

Cheers of "Please don't burn!" rang through the kitchen as this batch popped- It didn't but...

I still am not completely happy with the results. Yummy- yes! But you see my poor, poor kernels. This is our homegrown popcorn and it is a real pain in the thumbs getting it off the cob.

This is a bit of work

To have so many unpopped is disappointing, I don't have this much of a failure rate when popping it normally.

Lazy kernels!

I need to keep working on it, but I can see this is the beginning of a beautiful snack relationship.

Outside my Laundry Room Door

And, having made peace through the blood of his cross, by him to reconcile all things unto himself; by him, [I say], whether [they be] things in earth, or things in heaven. Col 1:20

I've been looking at Colossians a bit, a small and mostly looked over book by me.  Lots of good stuff in there.




It's great timing that one of the pastors at our church just started preaching through this book yesterday. I missed the first installment being home with a sick little one, but thankfully they have put it in the archives, so I'll catch up.


I am willing to listen, to wait for answers and wisdom.    





Our family bible study hasn't been what it was, partly due to just plain life getting in the way and partly because we found on one go 'round in 1 Corinthians that we couldn't put everything in the neat little packages we thought were there.



So a season of stepping back commenced.




I look forward to this series having put away my theological labels this past summer. The Mr. never labeled himself, but I did. I was proud to be this ist or follow that ism, but not now.  Off in the wilderness I have been, but it's been a peaceful time for the most part. My faith in God has remained strong...stronger even.  Some sickening moments when realizing some things weren't what they are presented as being and some beautiful moments seeing that God is really God.



I look forward, cautiously but excitedly, with full confidence in my Savior to what lies ahead.

This Picture

Didn't turn out the way I wanted it to, but I like it anyway.

I'm still getting used to the settings and such on the new camera.




We're back to school, have had some little ones under the weather, and trying to clean up and organize after the holiday madness.




So it's 2012! Wow, that was fast. A few years ago I would've been counting down the days until the supposed end of the world, but for some reason my end of the world counting was interrupted last year by some wonderful things that I have been seeing from the scriptures and from (not saying this presumably, I just don't know what else to say) the spirit of God.  And for some reason my rapture end-of-the-world watching is just not important to me at this time.





It is like a great light bursting through the cold and bleakness, somehow making everything beautiful in its time.

Grumpy Religiousity and Fearful Disciples

It seems that many of us are one or the other...

I've been and sometimes still am both.

I'm now trying to LISTEN to Jesus -however that is accomplished , I guess by reading and meditating on the scripture rather than what other people tell me He is saying.  It does seem  that just plain reading the text alone isn't the means.

`Ye search the Writings, because ye think in them to have life age-during, and these are they that are testifying concerning me; John 5:39

It's tough.

Yesterday during the Sunday school class that the Mr. and I teach our lesson was about Jesus miracles. I was on my own, the Mr. being under the weather and with a small class of four kids (one being my son) we looked through five of Jesus's miracles:



The healing of the paralytic
 The raising of Jairus's daughter
 The calming of the storm
The healing of a blind man
Turning the water into wine 




What I noticed in these were grumpy religious people, fearful disciples, and  just plain regular people who came to Jesus with the great faith to be healed and saved.

and ye do not will to come unto me, that ye may have life; John 5:40